


No Safety Net

by thetomkatwholived



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coming Out, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Sexual Confusion, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-12-26 14:49:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18284474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thetomkatwholived/pseuds/thetomkatwholived
Summary: Levi Schmitt is sick of being made fun of for not having a date. Nico Kim thinks he may be able to help with that problem. Who knew a fake relationship could feel so... real.





	No Safety Net

**Author's Note:**

> Here's my piece for the Schmico Fic Exchange! It's been a labor of love and source of stress for a couple months now, but I'm happy with how it turned out. 
> 
> It's a fake dating AU that diverges from the canon after episode 2. So Nico buys Levi the beer and then this story begins the next day. So it's only an AU in so much as canon divergence, not any sort of other change. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Levi Schmitt and the other Grey + Sloan interns were clustered around a nurses’ station before rounds would begin. As the conversation shifted to discuss a date Taryn Helm had recently gone on, Levi began to zone out and scan the area. He noticed a certain fellow standing at the other side of the station, reviewing a chart. This fellow, Nico Kim, had winked at Levi during surgery the other day and had, bought him a drink later that day. Levi found himself both drawn to this man as well as utterly confused by him. It was much too much to unpack on this Tuesday morning.

“Schmitt, what about you? Anyone you’ve been dating?” Casey Parker inquired, causing the interns’ heads, and Nico’s head, to turn in his direction.

“Ha, Glasses with a date! Good one.” Levi did not like Vikram Roy’s reaction to the thought of him dating. He could get a date! He’d just been… busy.

“I’ve been busy.”

“Oh, is that what you’re going with? Just admit that no one actually wants to be with you!”

“That’s not totally true. What about Jo?” Dahlia Qadri tried her best to defend Levi. Out of the corner of his eye, Levi thought he saw Nico perk up. He added a new item to the confusing column.

“Nah, that never happened. And if it somehow did, it was just a pity fuck.” Roy was being particularly cruel today.

“It happened,” Levi mumbled.

“Sure it did. Jo is much too hot to go for someone like you.”

Levi flushed and sputtered, trying to come up with some way to convince the other intern of his sexual prowess. But even he knew his little tryst with Jo Karev was a result of her being in a fragile state and him being the closest warm body offering any kind of comfort. It hadn’t been particularly long or enjoyable for him, but it did briefly instill some level of confidence in him. That was until people either began to pity Jo for sleeping with him or outright deny it ever happened.

“Don’t believe it if you want. But it did happen. And I could get a date.”  Levi’s voice shook, betraying the confident nature of his words.

“Yeah, sure, you keep believing that.”

Suddenly, a throat cleared behind the interns causing them to all quickly turn, worried whoever was in charge of them today had snuck up on them. When they were all met with an amused Nico, everyone let out a collective sigh of relief.

“Hello, interns. Just wanted to formally introduce myself to the rest of you. I already know Dr. Schmitt here.” Nico fixed Levi with a blinding grin, which, for some reason, made his stomach swoop in a way that was not wholly unpleasant. “I’m Dr. Kim. I’ll be working with Dr. Lincoln in orthopedics.”

The interns all gave some form of greeting and briefly introduced themselves. Levi noticed Nico’s eyes sliding over to him occasionally, giving him a considering look. Once all the interns had introduced themselves, Nico added, “Dr. Schmitt, I need to follow-up with you on something, if you could find me later.”

Levi’s confusion over this man only increased, but he nodded his assent anyway, unsure as to what Nico could possibly need from him.

As Nico walked away from the group, Dahlia turned to face the other four with an excited expression. “He’s stupid hot. How have I possibly missed him? Levi, you know him already. What’s he like?”

“I don’t know him. Not really. We worked on a patient together and he bought me a beer.” He chose not to mention the wink. “That’s all.”

“I don’t know, he seemed keen on you. Did you two bond when you worked together?” Taryn added.

Levi sighed, “No. I don’t know. He’s new and confusing.”

“And so, so hot.” Levi found himself giving a short nod without really thinking about it.

*

Levi had just finished up surgery with Dr. Avery and was rushing to the interns’ lounge to take a shower and leave for the day. In his haste, he ran right into a hard figure and almost fell backward, only to have a strong arm wrap around him and halt his fall. He looked up to see Nico looking down at him, amused.

“Slow down there, dude. Don’t want you to end up in my OR with any broken bones.” Nico slowly released him but made no effort to move out of his space.

“Um, yeah, sorry. It’s just been a long day. Sorry.”

Nico laughed. “Don’t apologize. I was hoping to find you anyway.”

“Right, you needed to follow-up with me on something. So um, go ahead.” Levi awkwardly waved his hand as a way to prompt him to speak.

“Let’s go in here.” Nico indicated an on-call room to his right.

Levi followed him into the room, suddenly nervous for some reason. Nico went to turn on the light as Levi settled into a chair in the corner of the room.

“So, what’s going on?”

“I lied.”

“What?”

“I don’t need to follow-up on a patient.”

“Oh?"

“I heard what Roy was saying today. About no one wanting to date you.”

Levi cringed. “Oh, God.”

“I think I can help you. I’ll date you.”

Levi gaped. “What?”

“Well, we could pretend to date. To shut him up. Roy was on ortho today and he was a cocky son of a bitch. I’d love to prove him wrong on something. And you don’t deserve how he treats you.”

“You want to fake date me?” Levi could not believe what he was hearing. Nico was stupidly attractive, and a doctor. He could actually date anybody, but he was choosing to _pretend_ to date Levi?

“Yeah. I think it could be fun. And you’re someone I’d love to get to know better. We wouldn’t have to actually do anything, but we could spend some time together at work. Eat lunch together, sneak off to on-call rooms. I could give you flirty looks when Roy’s around. I can sit with you guys at Joe’s. Nothing too big or whatever.”

“You really want to do this?”

“I wouldn’t suggest it if I didn’t.”

“Okay. I guess.”

Nico looked as though he were suppressing a grin. “Great! Awesome! We’ll start tomorrow!”

“Uh, yeah. Of course.” Levi stuttered out. “Can’t wait!”

Nico gave Levi a smile before opening the door for him and exiting the room himself.

*

The interns were huddled together again the next morning, listening to Roy drone on about some girl he had hooked up with the night before. “When I told her I was a surgeon, she basically threw herself at me. Sorority girls are the best.”

“That’s a weird generalization. I was in a sorority and I don’t think I’m the type of girl you’d want to hook up with.” Dahlia sounded exasperated, as though listening to Roy was exhausting.

Roy gave her a once-over, before leaning closer to her. “I wouldn’t say no.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

“Uck, I would!” She pushed him away.

“Hey, Glasses, it that how it always goes for you? They just get disgusted and push you away?” Roy sneered.

Before Levi could answer, a deep voice boomed behind him. “Oh, is this a bad time?”

Roy straightened up, “Dr. Kim, no. What do you need? Is Link looking for me? Do we have a patient?”

Nico glanced at Roy, “Oh, no. I actually just wanted to talk to Levi.”

Roy scoffed. “Glasses? Why?”

“Oh, well, I didn’t want to do this with an audience, but I guess I might as well.” Nico made eye contact with Levi, indicating he should play along. “I was just wondering if you wanted to get dinner with me. I noticed our shifts end at the same time tonight and I know a great little Italian place downtown.”

Levi raised his eyebrows, not expecting such a question. “Oh! Yes, I’d love to! Yeah. Let’s, uh, meet at the intern lounge? Maybe? Or somewhere else. The fellows' lounge, if you want.”

Nico gave a fond laugh. “The intern lounge is perfect. I’ll see you then.” Then, to really sell it, Nico winked and headed in the opposite direction, but not before turning back to give Levi a soft smile.

Blushing Levi turned back to the group, all of whom were looking at him with various degrees of shock. Taryn seemed to find her voice first. “Go, Levi! I’m not into guys, but even I know he’s incredibly hot!” She lifted her hand for a high five, which Levi awkwardly returned.

“Congrats, man! I was on ortho a little while ago and he seems like a really great guy. And he’s super smart and good at his job.” Casey clapped Levi on the back.

Dahlia just gave him an approving smile and a high five. The reaction Levi was most interested in was Roy, who still seemed to be in a state of shock. Maybe this fake dating plan would work in his favor after all.

But then, Roy spoke. “So how much did you pay him?”

Levi looked crestfallen. “What?”

“Dr. Kim. How much? You don’t expect me to believe he just actually likes you. Taryn said it, he’s too hot for you.”

“Hey, that’s not at all what I said!” Taryn defended herself, and Levi.

“Whatever. I’m expecting details on this date tomorrow. Or else I won’t believe it actually happened.”

Levi hadn’t anticipated actually having to follow through with the date. Maybe he and Nico could just invent some story that would sound believable. “Fine,” Levi answered, resigned.

*

Just as Levi was pulling on his sweater, Nico entered the intern lounge and made a beeline for him. Levi pulled the sweater over his head and was met with a smiling Nico, who looked overjoyed to see him. In his tight black jeans, blue t-shirt, and leather jacket, Levi couldn’t help but be blown away by how utterly attractive this man was. Maybe he saw Roy’s point; people that hot never go for people like Levi. That seemed to be the fatal flaw in this plan.

“Hey, you,” Nico said softly, reaching out a hand to lightly grasp one of Levi’s.

Levi looked down at their joined hands and then back up at Nico, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. None of the other interns were in the lounge at the moment so it seemed odd that Nico was acting this way. “Uh, no one else is here.” But Levi made no attempt to pull his hand away.

“But someone could enter at any time.” Nico stroked his thumb over the top of Levi’s hand.

As if to prove his point, Casey and Roy walked in just then, both seemingly done for the day. Noticing Levi and Nico, Casey smiled and gave his friend a thumbs up, which was in no way subtle. Roy just scoffed.

“Yes, Dr. Roy? Is something wrong?” Nico questioned, turning to face Roy.

“No, nothing at all. You two just look… interesting together.” Roy gave a smile that looked more like a sneer.

“Listen, I know Dr. Schmitt here is wildly out of my league, but I’d appreciate you not pointing it out. He somehow hasn’t noticed yet and I’d like to keep it that way.” While the tone was joking, Levi could tell that Nico had some anger bubbling right under the surface.

“Not what I was trying to say, but whatever. Where are you two going tonight?” Roy seemed determined to find out all he could about this date.

“Just a small place downtown. Nowhere special. But the food is good and the atmosphere is fun. It’s only a first date so I want it to be casual.” Nico directed that last part to Levi.

“Why are you so interested Roy?” Levi asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Just curious. It’s little Levi’s first date!” Roy was being purposely condescending, obviously wanting to get a rise out of Levi.

“Nah, not my first date. Just my first date with Nico.” Levi wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of becoming upset.

“Well, I still want to hear all about it tomorrow.”

“Have fun, you two!” Casey was much more sincere in his statement and Levi smiled at him in thanks.

“Thanks, Parker. I’m really excited to get some alone time with this guy.” Nico thrust his thumb in Levi’s direction, who responded with a blush.

Levi and Nico left the lounge together and made their way out to their cars. Nico made sure to stay close to Levi’s side, making it clear to those looking on that they are definitely something more than friends.

Once they reached Levi’s car, which happened to be a few away from Nico’s, they both stopped. “So here’s the address of the restaurant. I’ll meet you there in 20?”

“Wait, what?” Levi furrowed his brow.

“The Italian restaurant. For our fake date.” Nico said, as though it were obvious.

“Yeah, it’s fake. We don’t actually go on the date.” Levi countered Nico’s incredulity.

“Sure, it’s fake. But Roy is expecting a story from you tomorrow. So we need to give him one. And we should find some time to also discuss this plan further. Why not enjoy a nice dinner at the same time?”

“I…” Levi could find no valid reason to refuse this plan. “Sure. What’s the address?”

“Let me see your phone.” Levi handed over his phone and Nico typed in an address to Google Maps. He then fiddled a bit more with the phone, before handing it back. “I texted myself so we have each other’s number now. Let me know if you get lost or anything.” Nico winked and made his way to his car.

Maybe this fake relationship would actually be a success because Levi certainly felt as though he were about to go on a real date.

*

Levi arrived at the restaurant, rushing from being a little late. He approached the door only to find Nico waiting outside, looking casual and entirely too cool leaning against the wall next to the door. Naturally, he drew glances from passersby, looking the way he does. For some reason, Levi felt something akin to possessiveness flair in his chest at these looks, which was ridiculous because Nico was not his anything; just a work colleague with a common enemy and a crazy plan.

Nico looked up and gave a blinding smile, causing Levi to falter slightly in his stride. He quickly regained himself, not wanting to think too much into what that reaction actually meant, and threw off a wave, realizing that it probably made him look excessively dorky. However, Nico didn’t seem to mind. He gave what appeared to be a fond laugh and matching dorky wave.

“Sorry I’m late,” Levi said when he was close enough for Nico to hear him. “I had trouble finding parking near the restaurant.”

“Oh, yeah, I should have warned you. It’s not the best place for parking spots, but I’m glad you found it okay.” Nico gave an easy smile and beckoned Levi into the restaurant.

The space was quaint, with red accents on the walls and low lighting. This type of atmosphere was not doing anything to tamp down the feeling that this was a real date, but one look at Nico told him that he was both the wrong gender and too hot for Levi.

“I called ahead just to make sure they had room for us. It can get kind of crowded.” Nico warned as he made his way to the hostess stand. The hostess straightened up when she saw him and put on a smile that certainly wasn’t just a service smile. “Hi there. Two for Nico.”

The hostess’s smile faltered slightly as she noticed Levi behind Nico. “Yes, sure, let me check.” She looked down at her book. “We’re able to seat you now. Right this way.”

They were led to a table near the window, which was thankfully not too private that it felt romantic. Levi was already overwhelmed, he didn’t need the actual feel of it being a date to increase.

Nico held back Levi’s chair for him and pushed him in when he sat down. It was extremely endearing and made Levi’s heart beat just a bit faster than seemed healthy. Nico then sat across the table from Levi and smiled at him. Nervously, Levi returned the smile, uncertain as to what the protocol was in this situation.

“So, uh, do you come here a lot?”

Nico laughed. It was such a pretty sound. “That really sounds like a line.”

Levi blushed. “Oh, um, it’s not. I mean, I don’t mean it to be.”

“No, I know. But, to answer your question, I come here occasionally. When my family visits or something. It’s not a place you come alone.” Nico shrugged.

Levi cleared his throat, “No dates?”

Nico opened his mouth to answer, but the waiter came to the table at that exact moment. Each of them ordered a glass of wine and Nico insisted on sharing a calamari appetizer. Levi was sure his question was forgotten, until Nico responded to it, “Yeah, no dates. I mean, I’ve had a few dates since I’ve been here, but no one I brought here. No second dates.”

Levi furrowed his brow. “Wait, really? If you can’t get a second date, there’s no hope for the rest of us.”

“I give off a vibe. I seem like the kind of guy who’s only interested in the physical side of a relationship. I guess you can’t be buff and sensitive? I don’t know. But guys will always assume something is going to happen that… isn’t. I want an emotional connection with someone before I have a physical relationship.” Nico gave a self-deprecating smile and shrugged one shoulder, “Maybe it’s dumb.”

“No! No, that’s not dumb. That sucks. I feel like I have the opposite problem? I’m not the guy everyone’s rushing to sleep with.”

Nico gave a surprised laugh. “That can’t be true. You’re the cutest person I’ve ever seen.”

A blush blossomed on Levi’s cheeks that he desperately tried to will away. “No one is eagerly awaiting sex with someone who’s cute. They want someone like you. Someone… hot.”

Nico grinned. “Oh, I’m hot, am I?”

“Shut up, you own a mirror. All I’m saying is that we represent two ends of the spectrum.”

“Maybe we even each other out.” Nico gave a soft smile. Before Levi could fully understand that statement, the waiter came back with their appetizer and they each ordered a meal.

“Okay, so we need to discuss a plan of action. We’ll need to go on a few more dates. And I’ll act so into you at work. Like, check you out, maybe pull you into on-call rooms or supply closets. The point is to make you look desirable, so if you want to seem more aloof, that’s fine. Good, even. Depending on how things go, you can break it off with me. I mean, I guess you’ll have to at some point. Unless you want to marry me?” Nico laughed, but there was some awkwardness underneath it.

Playing along Levi, waggled his eyebrows. “Are you proposing?”

“Oh, yeah, totally. Marry me, Levi!” They both erupted into laughter. Levi was astonished at how comfortable he was with Nico, having only known him for a week or so.

“But that sounds like a good plan, I guess. I just want Roy to back off. It’s… humiliating. I know no one wants to date me. He doesn’t need to bring it up all the time.”

“I wouldn’t say no one.” Nico smiled. Levi was becoming more confused by him with every comment he made about Levi and the plan.

He began to respond, but suddenly, their waiter came with their food and they fell into a comfortable silence as they ate. Levi hadn’t been on a proper date since med school, but this dinner certainly felt more real than a lot those one-off dates had felt. When they did converse, it flowed easily, silences never feeling awkward, but rather serene and natural. Then again,  Levi had never been on a date with a guy, so maybe it was just because they had that in common. After all, shouldn’t there be some level awkwardness? Isn’t that a side effect of attraction? But Levi also felt… something in his gut that did seem like butterflies. Or maybe he was just hungry.

“I can see the gears in your head turning. What’s up?” Nico seemed genuinely concerned.

“Why are you doing this? Don’t you want to pursue something real, not just this weird fake whatever.”

“I don’t have time to really meet anyone outside the hospital. Fellowship year is crazy. And like I said, I want to get to know you. You seem really smart and sweet and like a person I really want to spend time with,” Nico shrugged and took a bite of his lasagna.

Levi wasn’t sure how to respond to that so he just stuffed some of his linguine into his mouth and focused on eating. Conversation still flowed, almost too easily, but they were definitely more focused on their food now than each other. Levi couldn’t help but notice that Nico was still stupidly attractive even as he ate, a feat not many could accomplish.

When the check came, Nico insisted on paying. “You can get the next one. I suggested this place, so you shouldn’t have to pay.”

“But, I can. And I still owe you a beer.”

“And now you owe me dinner too,” Nico smirked.

They made their way out of the restaurant, both full and satisfied. Nico walked Levi to his car and held open the door for him to get in, making Levi add another item to his list of Confusing Things about Nico.

As he drove home, he couldn’t seem to tamp down the giddy feeling in his stomach nor could he will away the smile that overtook his face. This fake date had easily been the best date Levi had ever been on, and he did not have the time to unpack all of that. So he settled on basking in the happiness of the night and facing the reality of the situation in the morning.

*

“So how was your date with Dr. Hottie?” Taryn wasted no time asking the question as the interns gathered before rounds.

The five interns all had been at the hospital for a few hours at this point and were already growing tired. Dahlia was resting her head in her hands, while Casey lounged in a chair about to doze off. Both perked up a bit at Taryn’s question, enough to make it clear they also wanted to know the answer. Roy practically leered at Levi, obviously expecting some salacious details or possibly something to mock Levi about. He almost felt like abandoning the plan he and Nico had established and just saying the two had had wild, passionate sex all night long. That would certainly shut Roy up. Unfortunately, he instead settled on something more akin to the truth.

“Oh, um, it was… yeah. It was good. Really good. He’s a true gentleman.” Levi stuttered out.

“Translation: he didn’t put out. Sorry buddy, you’ll lose that virginity one day.” Roy couldn’t hide the laughter in his voice. He gave Levi a pitying pat on the back before leaning back on the nurses’ station on his elbows, looking particularly smug. There seemed to be no winning with him.

“It was a first date, Roy. Not everyone wants to date just for sex.” Dahlia rolled her eyes at Roy’s idiocy.

“No one who looks like Dr. Kim is looking to date some nerd unless he’s just looking for easy sex. That’s just science.” Levi wanted to punch him so badly.

“What science is that?” Taryn asked, fed up.

“The science of sex. Dr. Kim is probably sick of putting himself out there for all the more attractive guys and just decided to settle on Glasses. He’s little, but maybe he’s wild in the sack, eh?” He elbowed Levi in the side.

“We just had dinner. It was nice and sweet and we made plans to see a movie later this week.” Levi figured it was best to just stick to the plan. It would hopefully start to work at some point.

“Any kiss?” Casey piped up, still half asleep in his chair.

“Oh, um, yeah. Just a small one. It was really sweet.” Levi made a mental note to let Nico know about this new detail.

“Lame! So I met this girl last night and…” Levi tuned out, not wanting to hear about Roy’s escapades, deciding instead to survey the area around them. He spotted Nico at the end of the hall, looking over a chart, and walked off in the middle of Roy’s story.

“Hey.” Nico startled and turned to face Levi, smiling immediately. “So we kissed last night.”

“We did?! Were you reading my dreams? Because I would definitely remember if that actually happened.” Levi did not have time to figure out that statement.

“No, we didn’t actually. But Casey asked if we did and Roy was already mocking me for not bedding you so I said we did. I’m sorry.” Levi gave an apologetic smile, hoping to convey how awkward he felt about the addition to their date story.

“That’s not a problem. I’m glad you told me. And we’ll have sex at some point.” Nico winked while Levi gaped at him.

Before he could respond, Richard Webber was yelling at him to rejoin the interns so they could start rounds. He spared one more glance at Nico, who was looking at a chart with a small smirk on his face and then made his way back to his group, blushing and trying to decode everything that had just happened.

*

A few days later, Nico met Levi outside of the interns’ lounge, greeting him with a smile and small hug, obviously trying to keep up appearances. “You look adorable. So what movie should we see tonight?”

Nico had started eating meals with the interns whenever he could, and had joined them at Joe’s the night before. Despite Roy’s initial skepticism, it was becoming harder to deny that Nico may actually be into Levi. Or really good at pretending to be into him.

“Oh yeah, that’s tonight! Um, doesn’t matter. I was going to pretend we barely watched and just made out the whole time. I figured that may shut Roy up.” Levi blushed slightly at the mental image his plan placed in his head. He couldn’t shake the feeling that making out with Nico would be a seriously enjoyable experience. But he chalked that up to his long dry spell more than anything.

“Let’s pick something good, but say we saw something lame. So we get to enjoy a movie but everyone will think we just missed a boring one.”

Levi immediately saw the flaw in this plan. “So we don’t have to go. If we’re not going to see the movie we tell everyone we saw, what’s the point in going to the movies at all?”

“Duh, to watch a movie.” Nico took out his phone, clicked around a bit, and then looked back up. “Let’s say we saw Goosebumps 2. No one’s going to ask about that plot. But we should actually see Bohemian Rhapsody. I hear it’s incredible.”

“Or we see Goosebumps 2 because that’s what we’re telling everyone we saw.” Levi was insistent, not understanding the direction Nico was taking with the plan.

“But I don’t want to see Goosebumps 2.” Nico was stubborn, apparently. Levi added that to the list of traits about this confusing man that he had been compiling.

“Nico, if we’re not going to see the movie we’re telling everyone we saw, there’s no point in going to the movies tonight. I could stay home and study or get some rest.” Levi folded his arms, wanting to convey he meant business.

Nico sighed. “Or, you could go see a great movie. C’mon Levi, I’ll even pay for the popcorn.”

“But-”

“It’s okay to have fun sometimes. Let’s go to the movie and then afterward you can buy me that beer you owe me.” Nico pulled on one of Levi’s arms to unfold them, before lightly taking his hand and leading him out of the hospital. They definitely attracted a few stares, but they also passed Roy at one point, so the awkwardness was probably worth it.

*

Halfway through the movie, Levi had almost forgotten the true intention of the night. He was thoroughly enjoying the film and Nico was a great movie partner, laughing at even the most subtle of jokes and only leaning over to whisper something when it was a transition moment or desperately needed to be said. He had also gotten them seats in the middle of the middle row, a prime location to view the screen. Levi was a bit tense, still not sure what to make of the man beside him, but he couldn’t deny he was enjoying himself.

The credits began to roll as Levi tried to surreptitiously wipe away his tears. He hadn’t expected to get emotional, but here he was, quietly crying at the conclusion of such a heartfelt movie. A hand fell on top of his, immediately giving him a small amount of comfort. Levi turned to see Nico giving him a small smile, his eyes slightly glassy, indicating he too had been affected by the movie.

“Sorry, sorry. Didn’t mean to get emotional.” Levi apologized.

“No apologies. You didn’t know. I didn’t know. I mean, it’s a biopic, so I guess we sort of knew. But we’re doctors. We have a higher emotional threshold. Or we should, at least.”

“I’m bad at that. I try to be strong and apathetic, but I’ve had a few good cries after particularly hard days.” Levi didn’t know what prompted him to admit that about himself, but he felt both vulnerable and safe at that moment.

“That’s fine. I think, subconsciously, I chose ortho because it’s not as… death-y as other specialties. There’s still tragedies, definitely. But I remember working on cardio or neuro as an intern and resident and losing people so much more than ortho. I can still make as much of a difference, but I just cry less.”

“You still cry? Even now?”

“We all cry. It happens to everyone. Even Webber or Grey. It gets easier, sure, but never completely easy.”

Levi made to respond but was interrupted by a pimply teenager informing them that they needed to leave the theater in order for him to clean. He stuttered and blushed as he made eye contact with Nico, clearly not expecting to be faced with such a face tonight. Levi felt some empathy, knowing full well how alarming it could be to experience Nico’s… everything when you were just expecting another typical day on your job.

They shuffled out of the theater, Levi feeling like some new connection had been made between the two. Nico was still terribly confusing, but Levi felt like he was starting to fit some of the pieces of the puzzle together.

*

They ended up at a small bar not far from the theater that neither of them had been before. It had an intimate feel and the rainbow flag on the wall put some ease in Levi, not wanting to go to a bar with another man only to have some homophobic slurs to be thrown his way. Maybe he wasn’t actually gay - maybe - but that didn’t change how much this night was feeling like a date. Again.

Levi got two beers from the bartender - the only IPA on draft - and made his way to the small high-top Nico had claimed. He set down the beers and settled into his seat, a bit too tall for his feet to actually hit the floor, causing him to blush slightly, feeling a bit self-conscious about his height. Or lack thereof.

Evidently noticing this embarrassment, Nico gave a small laugh, “I like that you’re short. It makes your tenacity all the more incredible. Such a force in just a small frame. But we can grab a shorter table if it’s going to be uncomfortable.”

Blushing now for a completely different reason, Levi shook his head. “No, I’m used to it. High-tops at a bar feel more… appropriate. We can stay here.”

Nico smiled and Levi felt warmth flood through him. He tried his best to ignore it and instead took a long swig of his beer. “So what’s our plan for your date recap tomorrow? You’re all congregating in the lounge and someone asks about our date. What’s the story?”

“We saw a movie. We saw some dumb movie that we barely paid attention to because our pure, animal attraction to each other took over and we just made out the whole time. We sat in the back of the theater so we did not scar the children at the movie with our passion.” Levi gave a teasing smile and took another sip of his beer. He was definitely a lightweight.

“Did we get this beer afterward? Or did we go back to one of our places? Or did I walk you to your car and give you a sweet goodbye kiss right after the movie?” Nico seemed to be thoroughly enjoying the crafting of this story.

“Yeah, we got the beer. They know I owe you. It also implies there’s something more than physical happening between us. But you can still give me that goodnight kiss.” Levi was a bit buzzed, but happily so.

Nico raised his eyebrows as a shit-eating grin grew on his face. “Oh yeah? So just to be clear, I totally have your permission to kiss you later?”

Realizing how his addition to the story must have sounded, Levi blushed. “No! I mean, the fake you from our story has permissions. But no, no kissing for us tonight. For you and me. You can kiss someone else if you want, I guess.”

“Nah, I’ll settle for a fake kiss with you. I certainly can’t do better than you, even for a real kiss. It’ll still boost my ego a bit.” So, so confusing.

Levi scoffed and willed his blush to die down. “I’m sure you could get someone way better than me. There’s literally like 3 guys checking you out right now. I apparently do not seem like any kind of threat.”

Nico surveyed the room to see who Levi meant. He shrugged once he had identified his admirers. “Nah.”

“Nah? Nah?! I’m pretty sure I’ve seen one of those guys in literal magazine spreads.” The beer was certainly taking effect and Levi’s filter was far less present than normal.

“Doesn’t make him worth anything. So he’s conventionally attractive. So what? Not my type. And you need to stop putting yourself down. People are definitely checking you out too.”

“Sure they are. They’re sizing me up to see if I’m your date or just your average friend.”

“I’d be checking you out. If I was just here and didn’t know you and you were just sitting over here? I’d be checking you out.” Maybe the beer was affecting Nico too.

“You say these things. These… confusing things.” Levi would never have admitted this sober, but the alcohol in his veins was compelling him to say what he normally would not.

“It’s not confusing.” Nico gave a smile that almost seemed sad.

“But… I’m confused.” Levi furrowed his brow.

“I know.” He sounded resigned. “Well, you ready to go? I think we’re even on beers now. But you still owe me that dinner.”

“Next time. I know a really great Thai place” Nico’s smile became more genuine as he led Levi out of the bar and towards their cars.

*

They made plans a few days later to go to the Thai place so Levi could make good on his dinner debt. The interns had completely bought the story about the movie date and Levi had earned some words of congratulations from his friends and even Roy’s smirk seemed a bit dimmed. Apparently, the idea that Nico wanted to spend a whole movie making out with Levi was confusing to him, but he could not mock Levi for any of it. Levi took that as a win.

All of the interns were gathered in the lounge when Nico entered, all eyes turning to him. For his part, he looked confused, clearly not expecting all of Levi’s colleagues to be in the room. Levi, sensing his discomfort, beckoned him over. “Uh, hey.”

“Hey, cutie. You look especially adorable today.” Nico was good at pushing aside his nerves to play his character, apparently.

Levi blushed furiously. “You’re hot.” He clapped a hand over his mouth, the outburst having been completely unexpected. “I… I mean…”

But Nico just laughed. “Well, I did come here to get you for our date so I should hope you find me hot.”  

“I didn’t… I… I’m sorry.” Levi stuttered out as the other interns began to laugh quietly behind him.

“Really, don’t apologize. You’re cute. I like how unfiltered you are. You ready to go?” Nico extended his hand towards Levi, which he took and allowed himself to be led out of the lounge.

“I really just don’t get it.” He heard Roy exclaim as they left the room.

*

Levi had gotten a ride from his mother to the hospital that morning, meaning they were able to take Nico’s car to the restaurant. It was a bit out of the way, but they filled the time with music and conversation.

“I can’t believe you like Taylor Swift!” Levi exclaimed, shocked.

“She’s really talented! My friend in college got me into her and I can’t deny she’s pretty great. I know no one expects that from me, but I’m not some dumb jock. I have complex feelings and emotions!” Nico sounded a bit defensive.

“I’m not judging you. I promise. My mom raised me on the Bee Gees, so my musical taste is a bit different too.” Levi reassured him.

“We should share music sometime.”

“Oh. Uh, yeah. We could do that.” Levi didn’t know why that made him nervous, but he was suddenly worried about how Nico would react to his music taste.

Nico pulled into a spot and shut off the engine, rushing out to open Levi’s door for him, startling him slightly before a small smile grew on his face.

Once they were seated, Nico looked down at his menu. “So what’s good here? I’m usually a fan of curry, but I can be persuaded to try something else if it’s good.”

“Oh, um, I like the Pad Thai, but my friend said the red curry was really good too, so you could go with that if you want.”  

“You bringing other dates here?” Nico looked up and smirked.

“No! I mean, no. I mean, it was a friend in med school. I don’t know, we weren’t dating, just good friends.” In actuality, Levi had been reassessing his feelings for his med school friend, Brendon Georgies, ever since he realized that maybe men gave him butterflies. He certainly felt something for Brendon that may have been more than friendship, but he never truly understood it. But it was true, they weren’t dating.  

“Okay, I believe you.” Nico looked amused and almost fond. “I think I’ll go with the curry!” He dramatically closed his menu, causing Levi to give a laugh at the theatricality of it all.

“Excellent choice! I’m going with the ol’ standby. Pad Thai!” Levi smiled big, knowing he probably looked like a fool, but unable to contain his happiness.

The waiter came to take their orders and menus. After he had left, Nico placed his head on his hand and smiled at Levi with a look that could only be described as fond. “You know, you’re pretty great. Roy’s an idiot for not thinking that.”

“Well, I don’t really even know if I want Roy’s respect. And I certainly don’t want him to date me. But thank you for all of this. It really… I don’t know, it helps me to be able to prove him wrong. I’ve never been the type of guy who people see as… desirable. But for someone like you to pretend to want me? That actually does a lot for me.” Levi gave a nervous smile, not expecting to be so forward with his feelings.

“I don’t get that. I really don’t. I think you’re… Levi, you’re incredible. I… I’m always blown away by how smart and caring and sweet you are.” Nico’s eyes bore into Levi’s, highlighting the sincerity of his statement.

Levi felt his heartbeat increase as he looked into Nico’s eyes, getting lost in their rich color and depth. Something swooped in his stomach and he felt something pass between them. He opened his mouth to respond, to tell Nico how much he admired him and enjoyed spending time with him, when the waiter appeared with their food. They fell silent as they started eating, Levi trying to make sense of what had just happened.

“Levi.” He looked up at Nico’s voice. “It’s technically our third date. And we allegedly spent our last date getting pretty close. I… are we going to pretend that something happens tonight?” He looked nervous, something Levi wasn’t used to seeing with Nico.

“Oh. Um. Oh. I guess? I don’t think I want to go into that kind of detail with them.”

“You could… just say you saw my apartment.” Nico shrugged.

“Right. But won’t they have a lot of questions about it?”

“So come over tonight. I’ll give you a tour and then take you home. It’ll be quick, but you’ll be able to answer any of their questions.” Nico smiled reassuringly.

“Oh, sure. Yeah. I can do that. That should… work.” Levi felt his palms get sweaty at the prospect of going to Nico’s place.

They finished their meal, conversation flowing easily, and Levi had to almost fight Nico for the bill. “It’s my turn! I owe you a dinner.”

“Put those puppy dogs eyes away, it’s not fair!” Nico laughed.

“What? I… just let me pay!” Levi wrenched the bill from his hands and slipped his card into the holder, hugging it to his chest so Nico couldn’t get to it.

“You’re seriously the cutest person ever.” Levi blushed as the waiter came to collect the check. He handed it over and then looked down nervously, not knowing how to respond to Nico. All he knew was that he was incredibly confused.

“That’s really sweet. You’re, um, you’re really sweet.” Levi was still looking down, unable to make eye contact.

The waiter brought back the check and they left. As they made their way to Nico’s car in silence, Levi stared firmly at the ground while Nico kept sneaking glances at him. The car ride was equally silent, but the radio helped to fill the dead air. They pulled up to a parking garage attached to a sleek apartment complex, which Nico pulled into and parked his car before getting out and opening the door for Levi.

“C’mon, I’m on the eighth floor. The elevator’s over here.” Nico loosely grabbed Levi’s hand and led him towards the elevator. Levi knew his hand was probably sweaty, but he hoped the grip was loose enough that Nico wouldn’t notice.

Once they made it to Nico’s, he dropped Levi’s hand and unlocked the door, opening it with a grand flourish. “Welcome to my humble abode!”

It was a one bedroom, with a galley kitchen and a large living room with two doors leading, presumably, to the bedroom and bathroom. The furniture was sleek and the color palette was neutral, with a pop of blue as an accent. It felt much more mature than Levi’s basement, with his posters and figurines all lined up on his bookshelf, which was full of more comic books than regular books. He tentatively stepped in and walked around the space, inspecting the bookshelf in the corner and the art on the walls.

“You’re a real adult.” Nico huffed out a laugh. “No, I’m serious! You live here and you have your own furniture and you cook and clean and you have a design aesthetic. I live in a basement at my mom’s and still have my posters from high school on the walls.”

“Doesn’t make you less of an adult. Just a different adult. You’ll get a place someday and have a couch and choose a color scheme and it’ll be normal, all of this. C’mon, let me show you the bedroom.” Levi blushed and followed Nico through one of the doors into a nice-sized room with a bed in the middle, a nightstand, and another bookshelf. The bed was neatly made and there wasn’t much else in the room. Something felt off like this space was barely lived in.

“So this is where the magic happens?” Levi joked, trying to lighten the mood while simultaneously trying to calm his nerves at being in Nico’s bedroom.

“Ha, not much magic happening here. You’re the first guy I’ve brought back since I’ve moved here.” Nico gave a self-deprecating laugh.

“I find that hard to believe. I know we’ve talked about it, but if you can’t get a date, there’s really no hope the rest of us.” Levi wagged a finger in Nico’s direction.

“I can get a pretty great fake date. That should mean something.” Nico knocked his shoulder against Levi, making Levi blush once more.

They finished up the tour and Levi tried to commit some aspects to the area to memory to make sure he could answer any questions the next day. Nico tried to convince him to stay for a movie or a few episodes of TV, but Levi insisted on getting home. He was starting to feel too comfortable like he could spend time here with this man without any sort of pretense. He needed to get out of there before he did something stupid like admit how safe Nico makes him feel. When Nico brought him home, he opened the car door for him again and their gazes lingered on one another for a beat longer than they should have, both of them letting out a shaky breath. Then, Levi just smiled and made his way into his mom’s house. He turned back once he got to the door to see Nico resting his head on the steering wheel. Levi furrowed his brow before heading into the house.

*

A few days later, Levi was walking down the hallway when he was suddenly pulled into a supply closet. The door was quickly closed and the room flooded with light, as he noticed that Nico was the one who pulled him into the room.

“Sorry, I saw Roy coming your way with a troubling look on his face. I wanted to shut him up.” Nico explained, looking down at Levi.

Levi blinked up at Nico and, noticing the close proximity they were in, he gulped. “You have a stupidly symmetrical face.” He clamped his hands over his mouth and blushed.

Nico smiled softly. “Your eyes are the most expressive and amazing thing I’ve ever seen.”

Levi placed a hand on Nico’s chest and gazed into his eyes. This was all supposed to be fake, right? Then why did this feel real? Why had he been so anxious to be around Nico since their last non-date?

As Nico began to lean down, Levi decided he wasn’t going to question it and began to lean up as well. Suddenly, the door was thrown open and Levi hastily retreated back down, blushing in embarrassment. He looked beyond Nico to see Roy standing in the doorway, smirking at the two.

“Needed some gauze, you two?” Roy condescendingly asked, making eye contact with Levi.

Nico chuckled and turned to look at Roy. “Not so much.” He turned back to Levi and gave him a soft grin. “I gotta get to the OR. I’ll see you later, okay?” As Levi nodded, Nico leaned down to place a small kiss on his cheek and gave Roy a smug smile before walking off.

“So you two are really going hot and heavy, huh?” Roy asked Levi, with his arms folded and a teasing look on his face.

Levi, who had been looking at Nico walk away, snapped his head to Roy. “What? Oh, uh, not really. We’ve just both been kind of busy. Recently. So we wanted a moment to ourselves. I don’t know. I gotta go.” Levi shouldered past Roy, ignoring his indignant huff.

As he made his way to the ER, he reflected on his interactions with Nico, trying to make some sense of what he was feeling. He had almost kissed him. And he had wanted to kiss him. When did that happen? Levi had obviously found Nico attractive, but he hadn’t felt such a strong pull towards him before. Or had he? Hadn’t he gotten flustered by that first wink? And butterflies at his first touch? He clasped a hand to his cheek, which was still tingling from where Nico had pressed his lips to it. Levi sighed and continued to the ER.

*

“Woo, shift’s over! Who’s coming to Joe’s?” Roy asked the group of interns.

“My shift isn’t over. Actually, only yours and Levi’s is over.” Taryn replied, clearly agitated.

“Whatdaya say, Glasses? Joe’s?”

“Oh. Um. I think Nico and I were going to…” Levi trailed off, knowing full well he and Nico had no concrete plans. Sure, he knew Nico was off around now and maybe they had planned to do something. But he certainly had nothing concrete set up.

“Hey, Adonis can come too,” Roy smirked and patted Levi on the back before leaving the lounge. Levi took a deep breath and sent off a text to Nico letting him know they now both have plans.

*

“So, do you guys ever kiss? Or are you just buddies who go to dinner?” Roy questioned, clearly a few beers too deep.

Levi, who had been taking a sip of his drink, choked. Nico patted his back and turned to Roy, “I’m sorry, what?”

The three had been at Joe’s for about an hour, mostly discussing work. And by that, it meant they were mostly listening to Roy talk about how great he is at being a doctor. Somehow, the conversation had now shifted to Nico and Levi’s… relationship.

“Did you realize Levi is just too much of a nerd or something?” Roy smirked and Levi blushed bright red.

“The nerdier the better, honestly. That’s so my type.” Nico took a sip of his beer and winked at Levi, who just blushed deeper.

“Is he a bad kisser or something? Not so great in bed? That’s probably why it didn’t work out with Jo, eh, Glasses?” Roy was somehow able to sip beer smugly.

“No, he’s definitely not a bad kisser.” Nico countered, with a smile.

“Prove it.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Prove it. Kiss.”

“We have nothing to prove to you!” Nico seemed almost offended.

“No, um, it’s okay. Just a small one should be fine.” Levi was still blushing, but he sounded confident in his answer.

Nico turned to Levi, eyebrows raised in shock. “Uh, okay. Yeah, just a small one.”

Levi gave a short nod and leaned in with Nico meeting him halfway. Whoa. Okay. So this was a new feeling for Levi. He’d kissed a few girls in his life, but it had never felt quite like this kiss. It was chaste and close-mouthed, but Levi still felt tingles in his lips and shivers down his spine. He was vaguely aware of Nico’s hand coming up to rest on the back of his neck to deepen the kiss. A small cough broke his reverie and he pulled away from Nico, who tried to chase his lips before remembering where they were and calmed himself.

“Yeah, so. Was that enough evidence for you, Roy?” Levi asked, defiantly.

Roy just huffed and walked off to get another drink. Levi smirked before turning back to Nico, who looked oddly dazed. He furrowed his brow, confused as to why Nico seemed to be so affected. He must have kissed plenty of guys so it’s not as though he’s trying to process a bunch of new feeling like Levi currently is.

“Hey, you good?” Levi asked, giving Nico a little tap on the wrist.

“What? Oh, yeah. Just… yeah. You’re, uh, a good kisser.” Nico Kim was _blushing_.

“I am? Huh. No one’s ever told me that before.” Levi shrugged and turned back to his beer, freaking out internally but trying hard to calm the butterflies currently swarming in his stomach.

“They’ve all thought it. They must have all thought it.” Nico assured quietly and shakily.

Levi turned to Nico and noticed an odd, unreadable expression on his face. Something seemed to pass between them, something intense and pure. Levi opened his mouth to say something, but before any words could come out, Roy plopped back in his seat across from the two of them.

“Ew, lovebirds. Stop having eye sex.” Roy let out a burp and began to drink his newly aquired beer.

Levi blushed and looked down, giving a small cough, before looking back up at Roy. “You know what, I think it’s time I go home. I have an early shift tomorrow and it’s getting late.” He got up, with Nico standing up as well. “Oh, you can stay. I’m good. I’ll just go home now. I’ll see you both tomorrow.” Armed with new, confusing feelings, Levi rushed out of the bar.

*

The next day, after dealing with a patient with auto-brewery syndrome and a bunch of injured teenagers, Levi was more than ready to head home. Or more accurately, head to Nico’s and have another pretend date, this time with him making dinner and then showing Levi his favorite movie. A night in was very much needed as the day had been stressful and overwhelming for both doctors.

“Great, there are showers in here.” Levi turned to see Nico entering the interns’ lounge.

“Fellows have a lounge on three,” Levi said distractedly, knowing full well that Nico knew about the fellows’ lounge.

Nico pulled his shirt over his head, and Levi’s brain short-circuited. “You kicking me out?”

Levi regained some composure to answer with a quiet: “No.”

Nico smirked. “Cool.”

Before Levi could gape too long, Alex Karev, the new chief, entered the lounge and homed in on Roy, ripping him a new one. His short tirade ended with Roy being fired, much to everyone’s surprise. Although, maybe it wasn’t all that surprising as he was on permanent watch.

“Wow.” Nico’s deep voice broke Levi out of his reverie as he turned to find the fellow still shirtless and still perfectly muscled. “Okay, well, I’m going to shower and then we can head back to mine? Yeah?” Levi could only nod.

*

“Nico, Roy was fired today.” Levi was seated on Nico’s couch, watching him make some pasta.

“Yeah, I was there. It was brutal.” Nico didn’t even look away from the pot. In fact, he began to quietly whistle as he stirred the pasta.

“But he’s gone now. He won’t be around the hospital anymore.” Levi emphasized.

“Yeah. Unless he gets hurt. He may show up then.” Nico gave a small laugh at his lame joke.

“Nico, we started this whole thing to prove him wrong. But if he’s gone now, we don’t have to do this anymore.” Levi was wringing his hands in nervousness, worried about Nico’s response.

Nico stopped stirring the pasta and turned around to face Levi. “Oh. Uh, yeah. I guess.” He looked downtrodden, as though he didn’t want this all to end.

“I mean, this was all about him, right? So we can just… stop now.”

“Was it?”

“What?”

“Was it all about him?” Nico drained the pasta and came to sit next to Levi.

“What do you mean?”

“I haven’t been completely honest this whole time,” Nico admitted.

“Nico, what is going on?” Levi was getting frustrated.

“Sure, making Roy look dumb was nice. But that wasn’t why I wanted to do this.” Nico was looking down, as though he were nervous to make eye contact with Levi.

“Then why did you do it?”

“I wanted to spend time with you. I wanted to get to know you.”

“You could have just… hung out with me.”

“I did, but under the pretense of dating you. I don’t know it was probably a dumb idea. But Levi, I fell for you. I know it was supposed to be fake, but at some point, it started to feel real to me.” Nico tentatively grabbed Levi’s hand. “I like you. It stopped being pretend for me a while ago. Maybe it never was.”

Levi wrenched his hand out of Nico’s grip. “Are you kidding me? You manipulated me into thinking this was all fake while you wanted to actually date me? You spent all this time making me question myself and my sexuality, to make me think I was crazy, only to reveal this now?”

“Question your sexuality?” Nico asked, furrowing his brow.

“Yes! I had no idea why I was feeling things for you. I had to reevaluate my whole life!”

“But… the other interns mentioned you had been with a Joe?”

“Yeah, Jo Karev. Or Wilson, at the time. Josephine.”

“Oh. I… didn’t know that. I thought you were gay.”

“And I thought I was straight. Until you came along, and now I have no idea about anything anymore. But I do know this: I do not like being messed with and used as a toy. If you liked me, you should have just told me. This isn’t fair to me at all. I need to leave.” Levi stood from the couch and stormed towards the door, ignoring Nico’s pleas for him to stay.

“Levi, please. Please stay. We can talk about this, please.” Nico rushed to the door and grabbed Levi’s hand.

“Let go.” Levi wrenched his hand from Nico’s grasp and left. Nico wanted to follow him, but he knew that wasn’t his place, not anymore.

*

Levi rushed home and hurdled himself into his basement. He paced the room, unable to fully process what had just happened. Grabbing his phone, he picked Taryn’s number, listening to the phone ring.

“Hey, I thought you had a date with Dr. Hottie tonight?” Taryn sounded like she may have had a few.

“Please come over. Please. I… I need to talk to someone and I have no one to talk to. Please.” Levi sounded frantic.

Taryn seemed to sober up. “I’ll be there in 20.”

*

A knock sounded on Levi’s door and he dashed up to welcome Taryn in and lead her down to the basement. He went back to pacing like a crazy person, causing Taryn to get worried.

“Okay, what’s wrong? Did he do something? Do I need to hurt him?”

“I’m going to tell you something and it’s going to sound absolutely crazy, but it’s true.” Levi breathed out.

Taryn gave a short nod. “Okay.”

Levi launched into the story of his fake relationship with Nico, from its beginning, to the dates, to the kiss, and then tonight’s confession. He explained how his feelings began to grow and he seriously had begun to question his whole life.

“And then he just said he liked me the whole time! He took advantage of me and made me think this was all fake, but he was using me!” Levi was pulling on his hair and crying faintly, so overcome by the situation.

“Okay, first calm down. It’s not as bad as you think it is.” Taryn laid a calming hand on his shoulder, causing him to still his pacing.

“He upended my life, Taryn.” He whispered brokenly.

“I know, I know, but think about your time together. Was it good? Did you enjoy it?”

Levi paused to think back on the occasions he had been with Nico. He couldn’t deny that just thinking about it caused warmth to bloom somewhere deep inside him. The conversations they had had always felt so natural and Levi couldn’t deny he loved every new nugget of knowledge he learned about Nico. And there was no way to deny that just looking at Nico caused Levi to feel more than he had felt making out with any woman. But that kiss is what took over his mind; the butterflies, the tingles and shivers, the feeling of being so _alive_.

He hid his face in his hands and mumbled out reply.

“What was that? You gotta speak up, Schmitt.” Taryn implored, trying to catch his eyes.

“He’s incredible, Taryn. I felt more with him than any other person I’ve actually been with. But he lied to me! He misled me and tricked me and how am I supposed to forgive that?” Levi started to cry again as he responded.

Taryn shrugged apologetically. “I really don’t know. But talk to him. Let him know how you feel. Listen to him too. He _likes_ you, Levi. Isn’t that something? Isn’t that great? He wants to be with you and he was willing to go through the pain of pretending to be with you just to spend time with you. Yeah, he was wrong. But maybe he deserves to be given a chance.”

Levi sniffled. “He kissed me. It was to get Roy to shut up but I… it was so much. I felt so real in that moment. I’m gay, Taryn. I must be. It never felt like that with women.”

“Maybe you’re gay. But, Levi, it may be him too. I think if you kissed a hundred people, the guys may be better, but I’ll bet none will feel quite like that.”

“He can whistle, you know. Really well. He just whistles sometimes, full songs. And he’s not a great cook, but he tries. I’ve never met someone nicer to wait staff than he is. He makes them feel special and appreciated.” A small smile graced Levi’s face as he remembered more times with Nico.

“You need to talk to him.” Taryn handed him his phone, making sure to illuminate the screen, which was a photo she had taken of the two at lunch once, both mid-laugh and looking at each other. Levi made it his lock screen for the plan but found himself gazing longingly at the picture sometimes, wishing for something real to take its place.

He selected Nico’s contact, took a deep breath, and dialed. It barely rang before he picked up. “Levi?! Levi, is that you?!”

“H-hi. Um, yeah. It’s me. Levi. You knew that.” He closed his eyes and willed his nerves to die down.

“Hi. I’m so glad you called.” Nico’s voice was incredibly soft and Levi almost lost all his fight.

“We need to talk about it. Because… I… because I miss you. It’s been a few hours and I miss you. What does that even mean?! But I’m also so mad at you!”

“I know, I _know_. I’m a jerk and I was wrong. I’m so sorry.” Nico sounded tearful.

“Why did you do it? Why did you lie to me?” Levi was frantic.

“I… It’s because you scare me. You _terrify_ me. When we made eye contact in the OR? I’ve never felt such a strong connection. I didn’t want to ask you out only for you to end  up being another one of my failed attempts at a relationship. That would destroy me. So I lied. I came up with that plan as a way to get closer to you. I thought maybe you’d end up liking me if we spent enough time together.” Levi could hear the tears in Nico’s voice, but he was still so mad that they only made him madder.

“That’s really what you think of me? That I’m some douchebag who would only want you for sex? You couldn’t just be honest with me? You couldn’t trust me?”

“I didn’t know you! All I knew was that I wanted to get to know you and most guys I had met recently weren’t that interested in getting to know _me_ beyond how I look. I didn’t think you were that way, but I also couldn’t risk it. I tried so hard to not lose you that I just drove you away anyway. I’m so sorry.”

“I want to forgive you. I want to put it all behind us and drive back to your place and kiss you again. But I’m so hurt right now. I feel vulnerable and manipulated and weak. My whole world got turned upside by you and I can’t just ignore that.”

“I understand. I know I royally screwed up. I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I’ll leave you alone from now on.”

“I don’t want that,” Levi whispered. “I think I need you in my life.”

Nico sighed. “Levi, I can’t just be your friend. That’s so selfish of me, I know. But the way I feel for you is never going to go away, especially if I’m forced to just be your friend. It’s not fair to either of us.”

“So it’s all or nothing?” Levi sniffled.

“Yeah, I guess it is.” Nico croaked out.

“Why does this feel like a breakup?”

“Because it kind of is.”

“Does it always hurt this much?”

“No. It never hurts this much.” Levi let out a sob at the admission, reading the meaning behind it. “Levi, it has been a goddamn privilege to be with you, even if it was fake.”

“I have to go,” Levi gasped out before hanging up and dissolving into tears. Taryn came to sit next to him and hugged him as he sobbed.

*

The next few days went by in a haze for Levi. He felt like he was just going through the motions at work and then coming home to mope and cry. Nico had been avoiding him and it hurt more than he thought it would. He had been expecting it and yet, the reality of the situation still shocked him.

Levi was sitting in the cafeteria, moping over a sad sandwich, when he felt some sit across from him. He looked up, full of hope, only to find Taryn. His face fell and he turned back to his sandwich.

“God, you’re both such a mess.”

Levi glanced up, alarmed. “What?”

“I’m on ortho and Nico is so out of it. He barely pays attention and Link is getting pissed. I literally watched him follow you down the hallway with his eyes today and then give the most depressed sigh imaginable.”

“He said he can’t be my friend. So this is all on him.” Levi spat out.

“Oh, shut up! You don’t want to be his friend.” Taryn had reached some sort of breaking point.

Levi recoiled, clearly taken aback. “I… of course I do.”

“You both want to be together,” she said it as though it were the most obvious statement in the world.

“He hurt me,” Levi whispered into his lunch.

“I know. He was stupid, but he obviously feels horrible. Think about it this way: this man, who you clearly have strong feelings for, was so determined to be close to you in some way that he came up with some convoluted plan. And yeah, it was manipulative and dumb, but he just liked you so much.”   

“Why didn’t he just tell me that?” Levi sighed out.

“Okay, think about how that would go: He’d put himself out there, admit his feelings, only to be shot down. Don’t even give me that look. You thought you were straight. So a man, regardless of who it may be, asking you out would only lead to you rejecting him. And he’d feel awkward and upset and definitely avoid you from then on. I’m not saying what he did was right, but maybe it’s better than the alternative. Imagine your life without him in it at all.” Taryn gave him a pointed look.

Levi gulped, “I don’t have to imagine. I know how that feels. It’s my life right now.”

Taryn shook her head, “No, not having him in your life and then not. Think about not having him at all.”

“I… I can’t even do that. I don’t know what life would be like if he was never in it.”

“Exactly. So yeah, it sucks now. But you had him. And you could have him again.”

“We ‘broke up’ remember? It’s over.”

“But it doesn’t have to be! Tell him how you feel. You like him, right? You want to date him and cuddle him and kiss him and all that, right?” Levi slowly nodded. “So tell him that! He wants that too!”

“But he hurt me, Taryn! He made me feel so helpless!” Levi threw his hands up in exasperation.

“And he apologized! And he meant it. You’re both miserable. Just… choose to be happy, Levi.” Taryn ended her statement in an uncharacteristically soft tone.

“Is it really that easy?” Levi looked scared and uncertain.

“It can be. If you let it be.” Taryn stood up and patted Levi’s shoulder as she walked away.

*

Levi took a deep breath as he walked towards Nico, who was charting by a nurses’ station. He looked unfairly attractive, his hair having fallen slightly onto his forehead and his scrub top just a bit too tight. That would only make this conversation more difficult.

“Nico.” Levi’s voice shook slightly, as Nico snapped his head up with a surprised expression.

“I, um, need to go.” Nico frantically fumbled with his iPad, trying to make a hasty exit.

Levi placed a hand on his arm to still him. “Please. I need to talk to you. Can we go in there?” He indicated the on-call room behind them.

Nico gave a pleading look. “Levi, I can’t be around you. I can’t trust myself.”

“Please. We’re both miserable. Just… please.”

Nico shut his eyes for a moment before giving a small nod and following Levi into the room. Levi turned on the lights and shut door, resting his forehead against the closed door for a moment to calm himself. He turned to find Nico staring at him with a helpless look.

“Levi, what do you want?”

“I… Nico.” Levi took a step towards him, but he quickly backed away. “I miss you so much. I… my life feels so empty without you. It’s like I’m going through the motions and pretending everything is fine but everything is not fine! I feel like I’m half the person I was, and, I just, I need you. I need you, Nico.”

“That’s not fair. That’s so not fair to me. You know where I stand on this. You know I can’t be your friend. Levi, I’m completely head over heels for you. And I know I hurt you. I know you probably could never forgive me, but I also don’t deserve… _this_.” Nico wrapped his arms around himself, as if trying to protect himself from harm.

Levi reached out to grab Nico’s hand, causing the other man to flinch as though he were burned. But Levi persisted and grasped his hand in both of his own. “You don’t get it. I _need_ you. I… I want you. I want to be with you. I-”

Levi didn’t get to finish his thought as Nico’s lips were suddenly on his. Nico’s strong arms encircled his waist as Levi’s hands settled on his shoulders. It quickly turned heated as they opened their mouths, and their tongues met, both sighing into the kiss. Levi felt like he was on fire, but he never wanted this to end. The full reality of the situation hit him as he moaned into Nico’s mouth, the other man matching his noise. They broke apart, both panting and red in the face.

Levi’s eyes were still closed, his lips still slightly puckered. He suddenly heard Nico laughing, a blissful, disbelieving laugh that bubbled out of him and consumed Levi’s ears with its beauty.

“God, Levi, it doesn’t _feel_ like that. It never feels that good.” He leaned his forehead against Levi’s, causing him to open his eyes. “You’re everything.” He dove in for another kiss, this one much shorter and chaste but no less incredible.

“Date me for real. Be my boyfriend. Please.” Levi nuzzled his nose against Nico’s (impossibly defined) cheekbone.

“Yes. Yes, yes, yes.” Nico punctuated each affirmation with a kiss, causing Levi to fall into a fit of giggles.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks to my beta for this fic exchange, [melovitae](http://melovitae.tumblr.com/)! They helped me so much with this fic and definitely made it better!
> 
> And big thanks to [youneverhavetoproveyourselftome](http://youneverhavetoproveyourselftome.tumblr.com/) for organizing this fic exchange!
> 
> Feel free to find me on Tumblr at [theswiftiewholived](https://theswiftiewholived.tumblr.com/)!


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